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I Remain, Unfinished.

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I Remain, Unfinished.

06.01.05 (5:26 pm) [edit]

Even though *technically* I don't think it's spring anymore, lately I've found myself immersed in what could very easily be called [i]spring cleaning.[/i] I have to admit, I'm not very good at these sorts of tasks because I'm just so easily distracted. For me, going through old papers and books and photographs involves not only sorting, stacking and chucking... it also involves reading, lingering, remembering and sighing. I find myself leafing not only through the piles of flotsam that I've collected over time, but also through the memories, people and places associated with each item. I struggle to keep on task, and I know I've lost all momentum when I find myself cocking my head slightly and biting my lower lip. At that point, whatever item I have in my hand has completely captured my attention and I'm a goner.

Today, I ran across an old portfolio from a college creative writing class. I read through the slightly aged pages of bad poetry and even worse fiction ~ cringing with despair. "Good Lord," I found myself saying out loud as I fumbled through the written evidence of my own idiocy. In truth, it was difficult not to be embarrassed, and I know my cheeks flushed more than a little as I struggled to listen to this voice that had once been me.

Then I thought back to the class itself. I remember the teacher very well. He seemed fairly young to me at the time, which of course didn't necessarily make him an idiot, but bunches of us in the class relished in pointing out his youth when we didn't agree with something he said. In truth, I just plain didn't like him very much. I had always been told that I was a good writer, and I'd come to believe my own press, as it were. [url=http://www.uncw.edu/writers/f...]Dr. Michael White[/url], however, was not impressed. Of my attempts at fiction he once said, "your characters seem fake." I made a great joke of this. "Um... you think?" I'd say shaking my head as I disparaged him to my pals. But the truth is, the words stung, and as much I hate to admit it, I tried harder next time.

Looking through the portfolio this afternoon I was more than a little mortified... not solely because the writing was *so* bad, but even moreso by the fact that it really wasn't *that* long ago that I was fairly convinced that it was pretty damn good.

Then I ran across one poem that had been an end of semester project. Dr. White ran his class in a workshop fashion. We brought our drafts to class ~ enough for every student. We'd read our work to the group and then listen to our classmates praise and/or berate us. (Most of us were nearly finished with school at this point and knew each other pretty well. And the fact that we no longer felt the need to tip toe around one another coupled by the late date in the semester left many of us with little patience for bull-shit. Thus, workshop criticism could be brutal. It was not a place for the faint of heart). Anyway, afterwards, we'd gather up the few shreds of dignity we had left along with what remained of our first draft, go home, and try again. This process was repeated several times until finally, we emerged with a final product that had, theoretically, been molded through a process of vision and revision.

To be honest, I'm not *really* sure how much any of that helped my writing. But in looking at that poem this afternoon I found myself also reading Dr. White's comments at the bottom with new eyes. On this particular offering he wrote quite a bit, but one section stands out:

[i]"All semester I've struggled to find you in your writing.
You're talented and I'm pleased with much of your technique, but I wish you'd push yourself to write about the details you know... the details we all know.
The last section of this poem is the best work you've done all semester.
It's also the most real. The most you."[/i]

I read the last bit of the poem that he spoke of and realized that in those few lines I was not describing a feeling or trying desperately to convey an emotion. Rather, I was telling a story... an anecdote that, if written well, might have allowed the reader to have his/her own genuine emotional reaction, rather than the one I had shoved down his throat.

It's been years since college, but today, I felt like I finally learned something. Thanks, Dr. White.

(Ok. If you've made it this far, hang on... I'm about to make a musical connection).

Oddly enough, although seemingly unrelated, recent discussions I've had on lazy Sunday afternoons while swapping songs (those are called percentages, dear) across the ocean have caused me to draw similar conclusions about the lyricists I love most. Lyrics have always been a vital part of my ability to not only enjoy, but also respect and attach myself to a song or artist. I suppose it sounds ridiculous to simply say that the words have to mean *something* in order for me to be interested. It's that, surely, but it's also so much more than that. They have to mean something to me. What's more, I believe that lyrics, like so many other types of writing, are at their most powerful when they're anecdotal rather than laden with description and instruction. I want to be shown love or hate or silliness or embarrassment or disillusionment rather than simply being told about it. I'd rather share the author's experience and have my own honest reaction than to be instructed as to what I should be thinking and/or feeling. Even if I have no reaction, well... at least it's real. If I were an artist, of any sort, I can't imagine wanting anything else from those people who take the time to ponder what pours out of me.

That said... I am keenly aware that the ability to write in such a way and to evoke a reaction is a rare gift indeed. Whether it's fiction, poetry or music, the capacity to capture a real moment and lay it out for the world to see, in not only a limited number of lines, but also in just a few perfect words, *and* in a way that manages to pull something real and often very vulnerable out of another person is well... not only a very special kind of magic... but a gift that I admire greatly.

So... to that end, I thought I'd round this out by sharing a few artists, musical and otherwise, who -in my opinion- sparkle with that very magic.

[url=http://www.theinnocencemissio...]The Innocence Mission[/url]
[url=http://www.eelstheband.com/]Eels[/url]
[url=http://www.damienrice.com/]Damien Rice[/url]
[url=www.trespasserswilliam.com]Trespassers William[/url]
[url=http://filbert.tblog.com]The Lock Keeper[/url]
[url=http://www.usabride.com/vows_...]Pablo Neruda[/url]

And finally, one more note, in doing a little research for this post I ran across [url=http://www.fridrichdesign.com...]some work [/url] by my old teacher. Looks like he might have known what he was talking about after all.

posted by: BerlinBear (reply)
post date: 06.01.05 (2:51 pm)

It's not jsut the cleaning which is Spring-like about you these days! ;-)

Right, now I'll go back and read the rest of this post.

posted by: billlyryan (reply)
post date: 06.01.05 (3:00 pm)

Pablo Neruda...I've missed talking to you, but I like that we have Pablo Neruda in common.

posted by: lindy (reply)
post date: 06.01.05 (3:15 pm)

Lovely to see you inspired to 'be' here. Your sentiments are quite you, if that is any consolation. I enjoy your writing as it is straight forward and laced with tiny drops of your perfume, if you will.

As for Dr. White... well, I read his bio and immediately stuck my nose up in the air. He sounds quite pompous. But after following the other link...

I admit begrudgingly that the man can write. I am glad you were able to see truth in his criticism. I have to agree that he is spot on when it comes to writing that grabs your attention... there is far more importance in pouring yourself in to it, letting yourself show through what you know, as opposed to style and grammar.

*so there, Mr. Bear.

posted by: juniperflux (reply)
post date: 06.01.05 (7:50 pm)

Reply to: BerlinBear

Yikes! You caught me while I was still editing. Oh well. Thanks for stopping by.

posted by: juniperflux (reply)
post date: 06.01.05 (7:51 pm)

Reply to: billlyryan

Well. Only one way to fix that! Stop by and talk to me more!

Neruda continues to move me. I'm glad you recognize his gifts as well.

j

posted by: juniperflux (reply)
post date: 06.01.05 (7:53 pm)

Reply to: lindy

Yes. It's taken me quite some time to *begrudgingly* give a little credit to Dr. White. For what it's worth (not much admittedly) I think he's a pretty talented writer. I could have learned more from him had I been a bit more open minded.

Better late than never, right?

j

posted by: BerlinBear (reply)
post date: 06.02.05 (12:36 am)

Reply to: juniperflux

Ah, so that's why the title changed from untitled to the currently title mid-read! Sorry for peeking in when your post was not yet fully dressed, as it were.

I was dismayed to see that though I have heard of a couple of your favourite artists on the lyrics front, I couldn't picture or name a single song or lyric by a single on of them. Odd how musical tastes and spheres of influence can be so spectacularly divergent.

posted by: lindy (reply)
post date: 06.02.05 (3:38 am)

Reply to: juniperflux

True, but he's still a bit of a git.

posted by: juniperflux (reply)
post date: 06.02.05 (4:08 am)

Reply to: BerlinBear

Come now... that's nothing to be dismayed about. I'm sure I've never heard of half the people you love. There's lots of music out there... I'm glad I don't know it all. Just all the more for me to discover in time.

As for tastes being divergent... well, I think that may be one of my more implied points. In my opinion a good writer, of any sort, pours the details of himself and his world into his writing... and people either react or not, depending on the details that comprise their worlds and so on. I just prefer the opportunity to have that kind of real response, rather than being told, in text of the language, what reaction I'm *supposed* to have.

Nothing like unrealistic expectations to leave one feeling all useless and inadequate, after all.

See ya!

j

posted by: juni (reply)
post date: 06.02.05 (4:09 am)

Reply to: lindy

Perhaps. But I'm a bit of a smartass. We were destined for failure.

*wink*

j

posted by: lindy (reply)
post date: 06.02.05 (12:09 pm)

Reply to: juni

Ha! Being a failure is fun! *looks around wearing an oversized white hawk hat complete with dangly bits on sides* yes! Hmm! I'm enjoying this... *swish swish*

*removes kleenex from nose

posted by: RedTigress (reply)
post date: 06.02.05 (3:34 pm)

I'm loving yer new layout!

posted by: billlyryan (reply)
post date: 06.02.05 (10:22 pm)

Reply to: juniperflux
OMYGOSH hello!!!!!

You know, this morning I was in the shower in my usual morning stupor and I laughed because I thought this: "When Juni speaks, everybody listens." Because for some reason I was thinking of the EF Hutton commercial.
Gosh I sure do like you friend.

posted by: juniperflux (reply)
post date: 06.04.05 (4:46 am)

Reply to: lindy

Just for the record: you're crazy. :)

*stuffs kleenex back in*

posted by: juniperflux (reply)
post date: 06.04.05 (4:47 am)

Reply to: RedTigress

Why thank you.

Long time no see, eh? Hope you're doing well.

j

posted by: juniperflux (reply)
post date: 06.04.05 (4:49 am)

Reply to: billlyryan

Do people really listen????

Why, that's the craziest bit of stuff I've ever heard.

*giggle*

I'm always glad when you stop by and say hello!!

posted by: juniperflux (reply)
post date: 06.04.05 (4:50 am)

Reply to: billlyryan

Do people really listen????

Why, that's the craziest bit of stuff I've ever heard.

*giggle*

I'm always glad when you stop by and say hello!!

posted by: lindy (reply)
post date: 06.04.05 (5:27 am)

Reply to: juniperflux

*ouch! Gently! Hahahahahaaa. Don't you like my hat?

Craaaaaaaazyyyyyyy, I'm crazy for feeeeeeeling so lonleeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyy....

posted by: billlyryan (reply)
post date: 06.04.05 (10:20 am)

Reply to: juniperflux
I think EF Hutton said the same thing! You can't help being so magnetic. It's like a birth defect. Poor wonderful Juni...:)

posted by: Beyourself (reply)
post date: 06.04.05 (5:51 pm)

Greetings!

What a pleasant surprise for me to discover another eloqence personified. Your writing is wonderful and natural. It springs from the core of your being. You are not giving yourself enough credit, and your former mentors should be proud.

Writing is a curious, satisfying, and very demanding task. It is an ensemble of internalized emotions manifesting themselvesf in words, phrases, and paragraphs, trying often times to express what cannot be expressed, thus feeling inadequate, but forging ahead just the same.

I am a little late coming to your party. It will take me a spell to catch up with your considerable postings. In the meantime, keep up the good works. Your fans I notice are already legions.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

posted by: juniperflux (reply)
post date: 06.04.05 (7:07 pm)

Reply to: Beyourself

My goodness. I am humbled by your lovely and kind words. Thank you for taking a few moments to read... and then for feeling the need to speak.

I look forward to more.

j

posted by: childish (reply)
post date: 06.07.05 (10:42 am)

damien rice is like open heart surgery. pure emotion. thank you for this post.