Recently, former tblogger [url=http://www.mblog.com/the_llun...]Lloyd[/url] turned me on (oooh!) to [url=http://www.zug.com/gab/index....]this article[/url] which he found to be both funny and musically oriented... thus making him believe that I would enjoy it. Oddly enough, he was right! As I told Lloyd I am thoroughly convinced that the [url=http://www.zug.com/gab/index....]CD Continuum [/url] is the first scientific concept I have fully understood since Mr. Elder explained supernovas to me in the 10th grade. Actually, now that I think about it, I doubt seriously that I understood supernovas at all. The only thing I really understood in 10th grade science was that I was in love with Mr. Elder. But I digress...
Back in the 1800's, every gentleman of stately upbringing had a passionate interest in the world of science. You couldn't walk five feet in Victorian days without seeing a mustachioed man in contemplative thought as he attempted to cure his syphillis through studious and meticulous intercourse with a virgin, or applying a healthy dose of leeches to an orphan's brain to study the effects it would have on the steam-powered horseless carriage. This type of popular and wonderfully fruitless science eventually fell out of favor with the upper class, eventually being replaced by far more practical practices such as foppishness and gold-filligree pistol dueling. However, being the renaissance man that I am, I have taken it upon myself to re-invigorate this type of layman's scientific study. While thousands of professional scientists spend their waking moments trying to study global warming, Mad Cow disease and various other manners of scientisms, I have concentrated my efforts on the study of the arbitrary in true Victorian style. Thus, the CD continuum.
In order to understand the CD Continuum, one must first understand a thing or two about basic economics. The belief in mercantilism powered much of the world's trade from the 15th to the 18th century. One of the basic tenets of mercantilism was that the volume of trade was unchangeable. In the CD Continuum, the basic tenet is that the volume of CDs in your CD collection at any given moment is virtually unchangeable. That means that when conditions present themselves favorably for a CD Continuumatic event, you will have -- with only the smallest error -- exactly as many CDs before the continuumatic event as you did after. Let me explain with a clever and overly-worded anecdote written in the second person.
You have been invited to a party. Knowing that you have good taste in music, your inviter has asked that you bring some of your more "rocking" or perhaps "banging" CDs. You comply, and at the party you become inebriated beyond your capacity and lose track of your dignity. (The "dignity vacuum" is discussed in another of my theories.) Upon waking the next morning in a bed of your own shame, you stumble to your CD collection to find that several of your more "blazing" CDs have gone missing. Enraged, you attempt to track down these errant CDs, but to no avail. Cursing the gods of misfortune for cursing you with misfortune, you give up and ruminate over the loss of your CDs.
Some time has passed, and your anger of the loss of your CDs has waned. You recently gave a friend a ride to work, and after dropping him off, you noticed he had left a CD in your player. Although you fully intended on returning this CD, eventually you forgot where it came from or who it belonged to in the first place. Thus, the CD Continuum has bestowed upon you the return on your unknowing investment. Soon the CDs that you lost at the earlier party are more than refunded by CDs left with you by your own acquaintances. Eventually you may even gain more than the five CDs you lost, but given a long enough time line, the Continuum always evens out in the end. This, my friends, is what we amateur scientists call "balance in the universe."
The CD Continuum also can be used as an excuse for lackluster musical tastes. For instance, when someone is browsing your collection and inquires about your purchase of "The Complete Mariah Carey" you can easily say someone left it when you threw a party. Disaster averted, all thanks to science![/i]
posted by: brogonzo (reply)
post date: 06.25.04 (6:41 am)
So true, so true. I can't even put a number on the CDs I lost at drunken college parties, and then there's the ones I steal when I go home, or find in the barracks... I never thought of it as a continuum, but wow... this is a whole new horizon of scientific/sociological study!
I agree. I think this guy is definitely onto something!
posted by: Jenxer (reply)
post date: 06.28.04 (2:26 pm)
Loved it. Although, being the freak that I am, I am certain I've lost more cds than I've gained, and I can still remember specific individuals that borrowed specific albums and never returned them. And what's worse is they didn't replace them. Oh, I am hoping for the return.
posted by: Lloyd (reply)
post date: 06.30.04 (5:57 pm)
I think Chi-Chi just missed one important point. Sometimes, the CDs get replaced by books. I have lost CDs but I have books that I know I borrowed from somebody, but who? I dunno.
posted by: Chi Chi Fellipe of the Intrawebber (reply)
post date: 07.16.04 (11:32 am)
