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posted by: BerlinBear (reply) post date: 07.24.05 (4:14 am) Ha, cool post juni. Once upon a time, I had just such a postcard collection (though not on the ceiling) and now mine too has gone I know not where. Nowadays I don't even bother with postcards any more, and to be perfectly honest I've become a bit jaded and lazy about emails too. Result: even more people drifting away just like you describe. That said, every once in a while, someone I thought had disappeared forever turns up again in the most unexpected context or circumstances. And in those situations, the intervening absence and lack of contact makes the reunion all the more rewarding. posted by: juniperflux (reply) post date: 07.24.05 (12:36 pm) Reply to: BerlinBear Yes. I suppose in the end, no matter what the form of communication, it all comes down to motivation. E-mail, like postcards and other types of correspondence are only as effective as the amount of effort you are willing to put into them. That said, while I too have gratefully stumbled upon old friends and been thrilled at the prospect of reunions, such as what you've described, I've never found myself saying, "gosh, thank goodness we lost contact or this reunion would never have happened." (Not that you've said those things either). I think, even though my actions may sometimes indicate otherwise, I'd sacrifice the reunion for the shared experiences that *might* have happened had I/we been better at keeping on touch. Thanks for stopping by. j posted by: JimBrodhead (reply) post date: 07.24.05 (2:12 pm) Having experienced just such a reunion in June, your thoughts hit home quite effectively. The puzzle is how we let things we care about slip away while holding on to things we should release with a death grip. Maybe dealing with that question, at least in my own mind, is why I'm having such trouble moving ahead to the core of our reunion on my blog. As I think now, while writing this note, about how easily Alain and I rolled back into synch I think I may have rolled another hole card here. Thanks...you might have just given my brain cramp a nice relaxant. posted by: BerlinBear (reply) post date: 07.24.05 (11:14 pm) Reply to: juniperflux Oh yes, you're absolutely right about the reunions not being a reason to bring about the parting in the first place. That wasn't what I meant to imply at all. What I was getting as was just that, once the parting and drifting *has* happened, despite best intentions, it's not necessarily gone for good, because the shared experiences and memories are still there to be dredged up and enjoyed if and when that chance reunion should occur. Not a reason to part at all, but a slight potential bright side to the inevitable and all too common drifting. Hope that makes sense. posted by: juniperflux (reply) post date: 07.25.05 (4:03 am) Reply to: JimBrodhead Well... I'm certainly glad to be of service. :) You're right, of course, the thing really worth considering here is the reason(s) behind why we (I) seem to be able to let go of people so easily and yet find it impossible to loosen my grip on things like grudges and perceived insults and betrayals. I don't know... perhaps it's because scars (emotional and otherwise) are a bit more tangible than the commonality of belief and shared experiences that define friendship. You can run your fingers across a scar and suddenly the weapons used to inflict it become dreadfully clear in your mind... whereas friendship and love leave marks that are not quite as easy to recognize. Again... I don't know the answer. But this is certainly a question worth considering. As always, thanks for stopping by. and best wishes as you tackle your own reunion issue. *wink* j posted by: juniperflux (reply) post date: 07.25.05 (4:09 am) Reply to: lindy Wow. I'm so envious of your collection and the wisdom you've shown in managing to keep hold of such mementos. AMS and I had a conversation just the other day about the stories that live inside objects. We mused about finding ourselves in an antique shop, flipping through boxes of old photographs and cards, stopping to consider the stories each one could tell. I imagine a perusal through your "treasure chest" would bring similar delights. As someone we both know would say "you're a fascinating story, L." :) Your thoughts, sleepy or otherwise, are always welcome. j posted by: juniperflux (reply) post date: 07.25.05 (4:15 am) Reply to: BerlinBear I understand. And I agree. A dear friend of mine and I had a falling out about 10 years ago. Then... a little over a year ago a mutual friend of ours died. In the aftermath of the funeral, etc... my friend and I collided. The reunion was full of the emotion of both tragedies -- our friend's death and the sorrow inherent in having let so much time and distance come between us. A few months later, she flew out to visit me and we had a proper reunion and now we make it a point to speak every week. You're right. There's something very good about such reunions and the potential of such a thing is, perhaps, the silver lining to this particular cloud. j posted by: Andaloo (reply) post date: 07.25.05 (4:58 am) Beautifully said. I love the idea of the extra thought needed when chosing the words for a postcard. posted by: JimBrodhead (reply) post date: 07.25.05 (6:06 am) Which begs the further question: Why are the marks left by love more difficult to recognize? What is it about some peoples makeup that gives them the gift of being able to bask in the memory of a loving act for a lifetime? An unaswerable question probably but it does suggest to my creaky mind some rather unfortunate facets to the human psyche. If we hold on to anger felt from past slights and if anger is, as is said sometimes, a mask for fear then we may well be afraid of being hurt again. Is it about protecting ourselves? Or is there something more there depending on who the other person is. Do not most people in the final analysis focus more on the nurturing memories of their parents for example? I was in a two year relationship with a lady several years ago. Things changed slowly between us and although I knew things were not as good as as they had been, I was really thrown for a loop when she ended things quite suddently one morning. She was quite blunt in way she stated her reasons for coming to the conclusion she did. I was hurt more than I thought possible, partly because she was right and partly because when I asked her if these were things we could talk about and work on, her response was silence. Now, three years later, we are really friends again. It was a difficult process but at least in my case I learned that I could go from being a lover to a friend but only after I let go of the crap that stood in the way. But...I have digressed...as I am wont to do from time to time... ;-( posted by: lindy (reply) post date: 07.25.05 (6:56 am) Reply to: juniperflux Thank you for making the pack rat in me sound so wonderfully eloquent. ;) My regards to Griffin. posted by: juniperflux (reply) post date: 07.25.05 (8:53 am) Reply to: Andaloo Perhaps this isn't the time or place, but I did want you to know that I've read your recent post re: the bombings in London several times... and although I've remained silent, your words - along with those of other articulate bloggers --have given me quite a bit to chew on. That said, your presence here honors me. Thank you for stopping by. j posted by: lindy (reply) post date: 07.25.05 (1:14 pm) After what felt like an eternity, she squared her shoulders, stepped closer and finally tapped him on the back. He spun around, his eyes lit up and he immediately grabbed her and twirled her around, exclaiming, 'At last!' followed by a long, low rolling laugh that left her rather bewildered and giddy. She giggled in nervousness and wondered why he was so overjoyed to see her, given how differently his writing had portrayed him. Maybe he thought she was cute and was relieved... What followed was a truly splendid day. They took in a park and talked forever. They happened by a few musical gatherings on street corners and marvelled at the talent that went largely unnoticed by the hurrying people. They laughed in amazement at the commonality born between them so quickly and screwed up their faces with a series of misunderstood conversations that didn't seem to resemble anything they'd ever spoken of before. They decided to take in a cliche' ride on a Ferris wheel precisely because it was so cliche' and they revelled in their daring to be different by daring to be the same as everyone else... All in all, it was a charming night and they both expressed how unusually comfortable they were in the presence of someone they'd just met. The candlelit dinner proved a heady experience for both, as they spoke of their feelings and their take of the world... 'And to think it all started with a simple post card...' 'What post card?' posted by: juniperflux (reply) post date: 07.27.05 (10:36 pm) Reply to: JimBrodhead I agree. There is certainly some truth to the concept that some people are simply better able to see beauty than others... and I imagine that applies to this topic as well. I'd never considered that perhaps this ability is tied to the capacity to stop running your fingers across old wounds, but now that I think about it, such things appear to me to be branches from same tree. Hmmmmm. Interesting, indeed. Feel free to digress here anytime. j posted by: juniperflux (reply) post date: 07.27.05 (10:39 pm) Reply to: lindy Wow. This is the first time something I've written has inspired a story! I feel so Jongleur-esque! :) And what a perfect little story it is too. My favorite bit? "They decided to take in a cliche' ride on a Ferris wheel precisely because it was so cliche' and they revelled in their daring to be different by daring to be the same as everyone else..." This makes me smile. I cannot help but like these two. Well done, L. Well done. :) j posted by: lindy (reply) post date: 07.28.05 (2:20 am) Reply to: juniperflux Why, thank you. Yes, they are quite easy to like. They were inspired by people I really know... hmmm... now that sounds familiar... It really does work when you think of the ending first and build the story from there. Not to take all the romance out of our story here, just thought I'd share. It would be a lovely way to get together. :) posted by: lindy (reply) post date: 07.28.05 (8:14 am) Reply to: juniperflux Oh, yeah... one more thing... this is the first time that you *know of* inspiring a story. I can well imagine you have inspired others and simply don't know 'abou tit' - ;) posted by: smilesnz (reply) post date: 07.28.05 (8:40 pm) Nice post:) I like to keep in contact to friends via email as its easier for me. Sending postcars to friends is a neat idea and also collecting them from different countrys would be kewl. Jenn posted by: newbie (reply) post date: 08.28.05 (9:39 pm) i love you posted by: juniperflux (reply) post date: 08.28.05 (11:25 pm) Reply to: newbie Hmmmm. Thanks? |
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