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In school, those of us who were deemed poor enough to receive a free school breakfast were given oatmeal, a banana and a paper cup filled with powdered milk… while those who were lucky enough to pay for their own meals received cardboard cartons brimming with chocolate milk, along with french toast sticks or frozen waffles or any number of other breakfast goodies that were infinitely less Oliver Twistian than my own bowl of steaming mush. Without fail, one of the cafeteria ladies would make the obligatory comment about oatmeal “sticking to your ribs” as though that somehow made the whole tasteless experience more palatable. I, for one, believed her claim. Sometimes, later in the day, I’d squirm silently in my little one piece school desk, convinced that I could actually feel that morning’s charity clinging to edges of my hollowed insides. When I was a teenager, one of my girlfriend’s mothers told us that oatmeal actually contained all sorts of skin enhancing properties. Initially, we feigned skepticism, of course, but it wasn’t long before we’d mastered the art of sprinkling just enough rolled oats into a dixie cup filled with hot water to create the perfect oatmeal facial. We’d mix and stir and fold and blend before finally rubbing the whole disgusting concoction onto our faces, lumps and all. Then we’d sit and wait patiently for the sticky stuff to eventually harden and crack against our cheeks, convinced that it was literally sucking the insecurities from our skin as it dried. Finally, we’d wipe away the desiccated layer of muck with a wet washcloth and a sink full of anticipation. I can remember looking in the mirror after my first oatmeal miracle, sincerely expecting some sort of drastic transformation: rosier cheeks, invisible pores or at least few less freckles. Some of my girlfriends claimed to hardly recognize the girls they saw staring back at them … but somehow, I always looked just the same. The funny thing about looking back is, it’s not always you who turns to salt. This morning, I ate a bowl of oatmeal. It was good.
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